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PEOPLE / ASK YOUR ABLA
Dear Yonca abla,
My mother-in-law has moved in with us. She lost her husband a few years
back and was feeling vulnerable living on her own. She also has various health
problems. My husband has two other siblings: one is married to an English lady
and relations are a bit strained there. The other – a sister - is married to a
Türkiyeli and living out there.
In small doses, my mother-in-law is lovely. But now she is here, she wants
to interfere with everything: how we bring up the kids, how we cook dinner, the
layout of the rooms, how I look…It is driving me round the bend! I have tried
tactfully pushing back, but she gets upset and then starts to cry.
I’ve tried talking to my husband, but he doesn’t see most of what goes
on as he is out at work. He thinks I should just “take a chill pill”. I feel
like whacking him one too! Your advice is needed urgently! I don’t want to give
an ultimatum and force an elderly woman out, but I can’t see how else this can
turn out.
Emine
My dearest Emine,
I’m saddened to hear of the chaos going on in
your home life. Having anyone stay with you long-term will unsettle the home
eventually, let alone a mother-in-law. In small doses, of course any mother or
mother-in-law is fine. Sadly, as your mother-in-law has nothing going on in her
life, she will happily interfere in yours.
You must stand your ground and bring up your
children and run your house as you please. But please do this tactfully because,
as you are aware, it is a very delicate subject and it will most certainly come
between your husband and you.
I suggest a candle-lit
dinner to tell your hubby what’s going on. Gently explain why you feel it’s
important you help get her re-housed and continue to support her from her own home.
If you do not succeed, tell your husband he is crossing that fine line and you
will not tolerate it!
Good luck!
Yonca abla
x
Got a
problem? Email Yonca@t-vine.com and she
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